I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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