if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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