If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
