his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
