Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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