3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize