i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
