there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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