At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
