Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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