I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
