beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
