Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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