Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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