Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
