You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
