i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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