He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
