finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
