Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
