dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize