my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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