Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
