Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
