Kiss
Puke
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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