ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
