come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
