now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
