I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
