that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
no, he came in my armpit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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