Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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