bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
