haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
