Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
