Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
