My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
