spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
