maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
