I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you would pick up someone in the library
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
