Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
