New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize