I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
