i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
