I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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