Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
