this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
