i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
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So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
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I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have post one night stand depression
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