The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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