worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
