if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
