guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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