Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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