What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
