halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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