She went from zero to smokin in five shots
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
