do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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