the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
