Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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