Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
