It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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