I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
