a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
